No One Left to Approve It

Rachel Boutin
20 minutes ago
2 min read

I have twelve designs. I am still in the middle of proving those twelve.

Last spring, I approved a thirteenth. Le Geai prétentieux, the pretentious jay.

An embroidery hoop resting on white fabric. A blue jay is half stitched in blue, white and black thread. The rest of the bird is still only a pink outline on the cloth. A needle and a bee shaped pin are pushed into the hoop. — A quarter of the work. The rest is still waiting. Photo: Rachel Boutin

What it commits

A new design, for me, is about seventy hours. The drawing, the thread trials, the samples, the reworks, the photographs, the manual, the videos, the kit assembly.

Add the preparation costs. And the unknown at the end, which never quite closes.

No one else signed that decision. No one else pays for it.

Twenty-two years of committees

I spent twenty-two years in the federal public service. Every decision of consequence went through a table. A round of input, opinions, an approval.

I thought what I would miss was the company.

It is not that. What changed is where the consequence lands. In committee, it spread out across several people. Now it has a name and an amount.

An empty meeting room. A large round wooden table surrounded by dark wooden chairs. A single document held by a clip sits at the centre. Three paned windows let in pale light. — For twenty-two years, the decision went through here. Photo : Michael Xi, Unsplash

What the model says

In the EQ-i 2.0 model, independence is the capacity to decide and act without needing the approval of others.

The nuance sits in the word needing. It is not deciding without listening. It is listening, then choosing, and staying upright inside the consequence.

We are creatures of emotion

The reflex of looking for someone to validate does not disappear because you changed offices. It stays, worn smooth by years of use.

What changes is what you are reaching for. An opinion feeds the decision. A permission replaces it.

And the difference between the two is invisible from the outside. You feel it in your stomach, the moment you ask.

Why it matters at work

Since my EQ-i 2.0 certification, I have administered more than sixty assessments. Independence is one of the most misread subscales. People confuse it with asking no one for help.

It is almost never that. It is knowing who you need, for what, and at what point you stop consulting.

What if your next decision were only waiting for your signature?

The jay is embroidered. That is about a quarter of the work. I am still waiting on fabric, and the manual, the videos and the photographs are still ahead.

The decision dates back to spring. It is still in front of me.

If this resonates, write and tell me the decision you are carrying alone right now. I read everything.

Rachel