I Said It Out Loud

A Check-In Round

My training cohort was meeting. A check-in round. One by one, we say where we are.

When my turn came, I didn't give the polished version.

I talked about my doubts. The feeling of not measuring up. The fear that I hadn't made the right decision.

A Shadow That Wasn't About Me

The most surprising part was where those doubts came from. Nothing to do with my ability to do my work.

An outside event had cast a shadow over my path. One single thing, beyond my control, and it was speaking louder than everything I have built.

That's where I got it wrong. I had let an outside event pass itself off as a truth about my worth.

The check-in where I chose the real answer. Photo: Elizabeth Faucher

Saying It to Put It Back in Its Place

Talking about it openly helped me a great deal.

Once named in front of other people, the doubt went back to its real size. It no longer filled the whole room. I was able to set it aside.

We often believe that showing vulnerability means taking a risk. That day, the opposite happened. The real risk was to keep carrying it alone, with a smile.

Humans, Not Shop Windows

We are creatures of emotion. And yet we spend a lot of energy polishing the shop window: the flawless path, the always-right decisions, the reassuring answer at the check-in.

Nobody ever built a deep connection over a résumé.

What brings people closer is the moment someone dares to say: me too, I have doubts. And often, around the table, shoulders relax a little.

What the EQ-i 2.0 Calls Self-Regard

In emotional intelligence, self-regard is one of the fifteen subscales measured by the EQ-i 2.0.

It isn't about thinking you're wonderful. It's about seeing yourself accurately, strengths and limits included, and respecting yourself anyway. It isn't a fixed trait. It's a current tendency, one that can grow.

Getting to know my own emotional intelligence is what helped me understand what I had done. That day, I hadn't fallen apart in front of the group. I had made room for what I was feeling, without letting it decide what I'm worth.

Showing up as you are, doubts included, is a very concrete form of self-regard. You stop reserving your esteem for the flawless version of yourself. And you recognize what you bring, even on the days a shadow passes over.

What if the thing you keep to yourself lost its weight the moment you named it?

If you'd like to receive these reflections, the newsletter goes out straight from my site. And if you're curious to see where you stand on these fifteen tendencies, an EQ-i 2.0 profile with a debrief is a good place to start.

Tell me in the comments: who did you last dare to give the real answer to?

Rachel

What if the version of you that doubts were also the one that brings people together?